Spent

I’m so thankful today to belong to Jesus. To know he is where my help comes from.

Yesterday was a rough day. One of those days where the needs of those around you, way exceeds your energy and strength.

My husband was sick, and my Dad was out of sorts. I visit Dad each morning as he eats breakfast at the Assisted living residence. Most mornings, it's a quiet visit where we chat and I give him his Ensure drink. After breakfast, as needed, I give him a shave, a haircut, or clip his nails.

But some days, Dad is confused, and gets angry. He asks questions about things that don't make sense. Today, he was confused about a lot of things. The meal he was eating, and what day it was. He asked why I haven’t come recently, although I was there yesterday … and the day before.

We headed to his room, where I helped him into his recliner to watch some sports. He loves sports.

Today his brain and legs were a little disconnected. I instructed him to scoot back before he sat down, since there was still a 12 inch gap before the edge of the recliner.

But he didn’t scoot back. He just leaned back and said, “I’m going!” Dread filled me as I clutched for him to keep him from missing the chair.

Thankfully I was able to help him “fall” safely into his recliner.

To say it shook me up would be an understatement. As it was happening, I feared my dad would miss the chair completely and be injured. Thank the Lord, he was okay.

After I said my “good-bye”, I headed home still feeling unsettled.

At home, I needed to get medicine for my husband. Then I would prepare him and my daughter some lunch.

I felt so spent.

Drained, as if I just finished a long race … and it was only lunchtime.

I was still very teary eyed as I noticed Lydia, my daughter with Down syndrome, sitting quietly at the table. 

She had set up the Disney Trivia game, and was waiting for someone to play with her. I gently told her, “I can’t play right now, I have to make lunch…maybe later”. 

She quietly put the game away, and the guilt set in.

I started to cry. Lydia just wanted my attention. My husband just needed soup. And my Dad had a lot of needs.

As I set out Rob and Lydia’s lunch, she asked, “What’s wrong? You okay?” I told her yes, but she is good at reading my face. She asked again, and I stopped and gave her a hug and said, “Yes Lydia, I’m okay.”

Thankfully, not all days are like this. But we all have demands on us, coming from various directions. There are so many people around us with so many needs. We can’t meet them all.

I think about Jesus. He was God, and also man. He had multitudes following him with needs. Needing to be taught, needing to be fed, needing to be healed. The bible mentions many times that he went off by himself to pray. He needed time to be refreshed and refilled.

After my family was fed, I headed to the couch with some soup and my bible. I ate, I cried, I prayed. I asked God to give me strength and mercy to care for those he placed in my life. And then I took a nap.

I woke up refreshed. Still a little tired, but hopeful and prepared to meet the next need the Lord placed in front of me. As he fills me with his spirit, I will love those in my care.

My help comes from the Lord.